Arctic Circle

Later on that same trip to Utah, I went to this joint called Arctic Circle. I figured it was Eskimo food. Man I tell ya, you haven't lived until you've eaten sauteed polar bear meat.

Again, I was fooled. I'm getting really tired of this shit. Its just a burger house. They have this fry sauce though. Its just mayo and ketchup, but jesus tapdancing christ it is good. For the guys out there, the bloke at the counter told me its perfect lube for masturbation. Keep it in mine.

I don't know what the fuck I went to Utah for. I must have been high on balloons when I booked the trip. It was sweet though. That place is overrun with white people. You really feel at home and don't have to fear being raped by minorities on the street.

Carls Jr

I stopped at a Carls Jr in St. George Utah a few years ago. God damn these mormons are weird. Are you familiar with these people? Apparently its some kind of religion. They think the garden of eden is in Missouri. Bullshit. Schiavo knows its just outside of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. I don't particularly like Canadians either. They're like Americans, only pussier. Go fuck yourself, eh?

Burger King

My Kia kept breaking down. When I pay $5000 for a car, I expect quality even if it was built in a festering oriental rice paddy. I decided to go to Korea to give these gooks a piece of my mind. I got there but they wouldn't let me in the Kia building. Racists. It was only because I'm white. Defeated I had to head home, but I was hungry, so I went to a Burger King. I half expected to be served a cat meat whopper, but as far as I can tell it was beef.

Domino's

I might as well tell you about the other highlight of that London trip while I'm on the subject. The British aren't as offensive to me as other ethnic groups, but I do suspect their food causes tooth decay. My pearly whites are a treasure to me, so I wasn't eating any of that shit. I found a Domino's pizza. Those wops make a good flapjack with tomato sauce. I ate the entire fucking thing. There was a homeless man outside who wanted lunch, but I wasn't sharing. In fact, I kicked him in the groin as I left and told him to get a job.

Chili's

After the Carrols pube burger debacle, when I go overseas I always go to American restaurants. I'm not taking a chance on anything these greasy foreigners make anymore. Anyway, for some reason I went to the middle east. Maybe I needed some figs or oil. Thats all the ragheads are good for. These smelly cocksuckers made me wear this blanket. Can you believe that cowboy bullshit? A blanket when its 150 outside? Thats Fahrenheit folks. No faggoty metric system here. I was worried I'd have to eat camel testicles or something, but I found a Chili's. I know it sounds like beaner food, but its really very American. My hero Toby Keith probably eats here whenever he's in whatever fucked up country I was in.

Carrols

Before the unpleasantness, I went here. Its in Finland. I don't know why I went there. Everyone there is a douchebag. Not even the type of douchebag I'm used to in Florida. Like really hardcore. No one shaves their pubes here. If there's one thing I stand for its freshly shaved pubes. The food here tastes like pubes. I found that odd. Since they don't shave, where would they get the pubes?