Lets all take a minute to give thanks.
Dear lord, thank you for giving my ancestors the misguided notion that their should transport their bizarre religious beliefs to a new continent. Also, thanks for making them slaughter those drunk gambling addict indians. Amen.
I can't cook a turkey. Who am I? Ainsley Hayes? I wanted to go to Boston Market to buy a pre-made bird, but I'm tired of the publicity, so I put on my burka. It didn't work. The protesters followed me there too. If I could wave a magic wand and give them all brains ravaged by syphilis I would.
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