Hashigo Sushi

Someone told me the Japs ate raw fish. I couldn't believe it! How dumb are these people? I mean, they're good with robots and all, but who doesn't know they should cook fish? Even the fucking Irish know that. I went here to see for myself and sure enough they served me raw fish. I laughed in their face and walked out. Ching Chong yelled at me as I walked out, but fuck him and his raw fish. Cook it you lazy bastard!

Wendys

At one point, my parents decided I should get married. They hoped it would cure me of my slutiness and my lesbian streak. I was just experimenting though. They found this guy Michael. He always looked like he wanted to pull the plug on me, but I wasn't plugged into anything at the time so I couldn't figure that out. I married him, but not before I gangbanged the local high school track team.

We had to get married in Albuquerque. Now I've been to some awful places in my day, but Albuquerque has to take the cake. Keep in mind I grew up in Florida. Thats how terrible it was. There were indians everywhere. They're all drunks. Its disgusting. Where is John Wayne when you need him? To get my mind off of things, my folks took me to Wendys. Wendys was my favorite restaurant as a kid.

The fucking Christian protesters followed me there. They've been following me all my life. I hate them all so much. I hope they all get AIDS through unprotected anal sex.

TGI Fridays

On Fridays, you can often find me here. I assume its the only day of the week its open. Doesn't seem like smart business to me. I enjoy the food, but the waitress last Friday was a real twat. She probably had a baby with a black man. That would make me angry too. I feel sorry for the mulatto children. We should put them in a camp somewhere.

Johnny Rockets

I really hate 50's diners. The 50's were OK though. Minorities knew their place and Ike was in the White House. I still like Ike. How did we go from Ike to this Obama Bin Laden guy? I got an email saying he was a muslim. Damned if I'll vote for a black camel jockey. Back to Johnny Rockets. I don't know why the fuck I went here. They had that awful 50's music on the jukebox. It was so bad my ovaries shriveled up. I'm never going back here again.

Burger King

My Kia kept breaking down. When I pay $5000 for a car, I expect quality even if it was built in a festering oriental rice paddy. I decided to go to Korea to give these gooks a piece of my mind. I got there but they wouldn't let me in the Kia building. Racists. It was only because I'm white. Defeated I had to head home, but I was hungry, so I went to a Burger King. I half expected to be served a cat meat whopper, but as far as I can tell it was beef.

Krispy Kreme

I went through a period of my life when I was a real fat ass. It was disgusting. I couldn't even touch myself and no one wanted to touch me. Thats not easy for a lusty gal such as myself. These fucking donuts were the death of me. I ate them until I would puke all over the floor. At least the high school dweebs who worked there had to clean up my puke. Eventually I had to admit I have no willpower whatsoever, so I went and got that surgery for disgustingly fat and lazy people. Now I'm the slim gal you see about town.

The Carpet Store

I already told you I used to be the village bicycle. At one point I befriended this lesbian gal. At the time, I didn't know what that meant. I thought it just meant she loved flannel. Can you imagine it? Wearing flannel in Florida? Anyway, she suggested I try "licking carpet". I wasn't the sharp gal I am now, so once again I was duped. First my aunt and the wieners, now this. I licked the carpet alright, but it didn't do anything. Some guy there was kind enough to tell me she meant I should lick another girl's pussy. I rode him as a thank you and then set off to find a girl who would let me have a go.

Stuckeys

I'm a real skinflint, so I often hitch hike to get around the good old US of A. Sure you have to blow a trucker or 10, but who among us hasn't? As long as they're white. You have to watch though. The Naftas lets Mexican trucks in here now. I was so fucking livid when I learned that I burned down a Taco Bell. The cops never found me out though. Being in a persistent vegetative state (or so they think!) is a perfect alibi for anything you want to do. I digress. More than once, I've been abandoned at a Stuckeys. Its a truck stop I guess. I eat nothing but jerky when I'm here. Its pre-packaged so it doesn't get any filth on it.

I almost forgot. These whackjob Christian protesters follow me around. They have for years. I don't know what the fuck they want. They probably want to convert me. I tell them Jesus was a Jew and I want no part of that. I'm not giving up clams, not even for the Lord.

Tesco

I traveled to London last year to meet that Austrian Holocaust denier (you do realize it was bogus right? We're still overrun with Jews.) and got lost. I wandered into this place called Tesco. It looked like a Walmart to me, but apparently they don't abuse their white trash workforce. Thats a shame. Anyway, I walked into this aisle and found this display of balloons. To be honest, I crapped myself with excitement and let out a shriek. Look at those fuckers.

Domino's

I might as well tell you about the other highlight of that London trip while I'm on the subject. The British aren't as offensive to me as other ethnic groups, but I do suspect their food causes tooth decay. My pearly whites are a treasure to me, so I wasn't eating any of that shit. I found a Domino's pizza. Those wops make a good flapjack with tomato sauce. I ate the entire fucking thing. There was a homeless man outside who wanted lunch, but I wasn't sharing. In fact, I kicked him in the groin as I left and told him to get a job.

Planet Hollywood

Someone just told me its Mexican independence day. Forgive me while I vomit. I'm going to have to masturbate to thoughts of Bruce Willis to forget that little tidbit. Did you know he had something to do with Planet Hollywood? That may or may not be true. I can't remember dick anymore. These fucking uppers I take every morning have really fucked with my brain. Anyway, I went to Planet Hollywood hoping to meet Bruce one day, but he wasn't there. I hope he doesn't die of AIDS like everyone else in Hollywood does. They're all fags.

Hot Dog Stand

Back before I was an internationally known celebrity with a deep and abiding faith in the superiority of the white race, I was just another small town girl with no brain, an eating disorder, and an insatiable love of cock. One time, my aunt was in town and she told me there was a great little place to get wieners. I could hardly resist. I got wet just thinking about it. I went here and its a fucking hot dog stand. Apparently, old bags like my aunt called hot dogs "wieners" back in the stone age. I wasn't about to be let down. I was fucking horny. I fucked the guy behind the counter. I think he was Swedish. Lars or some such shit. He wasn't a good lay.

Marios

Don't tell any of my Aryan brothers in the Minutemen, but sometimes I like to sneak a little spic food. I go here for that. Its a real shithole, just like you'd expect to find in Mexico, so no one of reputable character goes there. None of my friends will see me. They have this "gwakomoley" or some such thing. It looks like baby shit but its not bad on those Mexican chips that taste like dirt.

Athens West

I wanted to dance, so I figured I would go to a gay bar. Those guys will all dance and no one tries to finger your vag. I used the google and this place called Athens West came up. Since the Greeks are all hairy homos I figured it was a gay bar. Turns out it was a restaurant. What the fuck is up with that? False advertising. Greek = buttsex. I was hungry, as usual, so I tried it anyway. It tasted like earthworms with a hint of baby hair. I'm not going back here unless it turns into a gay bar.

Chili's

After the Carrols pube burger debacle, when I go overseas I always go to American restaurants. I'm not taking a chance on anything these greasy foreigners make anymore. Anyway, for some reason I went to the middle east. Maybe I needed some figs or oil. Thats all the ragheads are good for. These smelly cocksuckers made me wear this blanket. Can you believe that cowboy bullshit? A blanket when its 150 outside? Thats Fahrenheit folks. No faggoty metric system here. I was worried I'd have to eat camel testicles or something, but I found a Chili's. I know it sounds like beaner food, but its really very American. My hero Toby Keith probably eats here whenever he's in whatever fucked up country I was in.

Boobs

Time to use the way-back machine you fuckers. Back when I was an infant, I frequently ate here. My mother's weren't this nice though. She had those nasty silver dollar nipples. I don't like those. Now her boobs sag. I've tried to get her to go to a plastic surgeon, but she refuses. Cunt.

Albertsons

When I'm not watching balloons or helping the Minutemen keep illegals from raping your grandmother, I enjoy cooking. When I need ingredients, I go here. There is also a drugstore inside. This is handy so I can buy ingredients to cook meth.

Carrols

Before the unpleasantness, I went here. Its in Finland. I don't know why I went there. Everyone there is a douchebag. Not even the type of douchebag I'm used to in Florida. Like really hardcore. No one shaves their pubes here. If there's one thing I stand for its freshly shaved pubes. The food here tastes like pubes. I found that odd. Since they don't shave, where would they get the pubes?

Mars

I was thirsty, so for some reason I went to Mars. Turns out there isn't any liquid water on the surface. What a shithole. We need to send in the Marines to colonize this place. It smells like a Moroccan whorehouse. We need to hang up some of those pine scented air fresheners here.

Balloon Store

Look at all those balloons. This store makes me wetter than an eel. I go here often when I'm in need of more balloons.

El Pollo Loco

Now I don't care for Mexicans, but they make some good flapjacks. Often, when I'm hungry, I go here. I hoped to run into the keeper of the flame. I bet he's gay. These wetbacks make good chicken.

Chick-fil-A

You may not know this about me, but I'm a huge fucking redneck, so I ate here. I was hungry. I had chicken. It tasted like a hippo's cunt.